If you pull me on your lap there is a 101% chance I’m going to make out with you.
i would advise you to avoid santa
do you ever hear a line in a song and it’s just so painfully clever you just sit there in shock for the remainder of the song
why does everyone look so surprised when i say the reason for cutting my hair short is the hot weather, what were u expecting “i need to take my father’s place in war and the chinese army won’t accept women” ???
So what you’re saying is that you’re not going to help defend China from the Huns…?
Do you ever catch yourself thinking rude things about someone or judging them and you’re like “hey stop that, that’s not nice don’t u do that”
Do you ever just like flex your foot wrong and it cramps and you’re just like this is it, this is how it ends
whenever I’m underwater I always touch my hair because there’s no frizz and it’s smooth and flowing and all w h o o s h and that’s why I’m pissed I’m not a fucking mermaid.